RantingRaving

planning

2009-11-20T22:22:00.001-08:00

seems I've found my words, now to find time...

Think I found my words...

2009-09-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

Updates coming soon.

It's been fun.

2008-11-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

It has been a long while since I have written.
The last few months have been full of promise, change, reflection, heartbreak and smiles. All messy and tangled in this scrambly head of mine as I try to figure out; what next?
Sounds like big drama? It's not. It is just that slow and endless process of growing.
Maybe that is the point. For whatever the emotion of the moment, (and holy shit, it does feel like it is a change'n moment to moment) the big picture is good. We are responsible for our selves. Life isn't an accident. Sometimes the best choices are the hardest. Knowing that while it hurts like nothing I have ever felt right now, the only way to get closer to what I want, is this. Is to do this right now. And hope. For what you ask?
Just hope.

I started this blog when my life took a big change; when I moved up north. Now two and a half years later; things are changing again.
This time... thoughts on the inside.

Soul food.

2008-09-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

Yoga class tonight. Room is hot, humid and dimly lit. Smells like clean bodies and sounds like breath. Our teacher says as she opens the night's practice;
"Find that sweet spot..."

This somehow took hold and settled into me and I smiled, hands over heart, all breath and beats. That smile on my lips held soflty for the hour and the unsettled and wanting feeling of these last few days was briefly satiated.

Made me think of one of my favorite good nights. 'Slaap Lekker" (yes, in part on account of the speaker), but also for the sensation it generates. Basically it means sleep yummy. A delicious thought; to leave the sweet spot, still warm inside and settle for yummy sleep.

I am full.

Pictures

2008-09-07T07:27:00.001-07:00

A few pics. This will have to suffice for an update for now. Haven't found my words yet.

Here.

2008-09-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

Here is Calgary.
Here is this funny place in time and literal space where I am unsettled and getting settled all at once.

At a loss for words

2008-08-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

(yeah when does that ever happen for me?)
Last shift today.
Had made a deal with myself; two yrs. I started Aug.4th 2006. Two years plus one day. I feel like I have done whatever it was I came here to do.
Am officially onto the next adventure.
Oh holy shit.
Sad and excited in an equal mix. When head settles a little I will say more.
For now it's just thank-you.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2008-07-30T00:02:00.001-07:00

As I purged things from my wee apartment I looked through old photo albums... thinking to myself it is not necessary to keep every picture I have ever taken.

There were pics of Teaka as a puppy- some 11yrs ago. I was surprised to find that she has not always had white in her muzzle. In my memory she did. I thought time had just made the white a little grey. I remember correcting mama when she noted that Teaka looked awful grey. I see her everyday, the changes tiny increments over time, ...one little hair at a time my puppy has become and old dog. (Still such a good dog)

Made me wonder is this not the same with the people we love? Is that why distance is so hard? We see the changes only after separation. Absence makes us acutely aware of the passage of time?

Hardly new, but true as ever; "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Every once and a while I'm reminded... Love doesn't see big ears or wrinkles; or it does and finds them charming. The grey, the few less hairs; a reminder of a shared history.

A happy post

2008-07-23T17:19:00.000-07:00

Oh merrily purging. Life will fit in truck save for the odd box or two. This is surprisingly satisfying!
Making lists (which I avoid as a rule) and crossing shit off. Can one write as item #1. Make a list. stroke. ??
Should keep at it.

So far....

2008-07-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

thoughts to follow.

Medical breakthrough

2008-07-12T23:08:00.000-07:00

There is a well known blood-brain barrier, recent qualitative studies suggest existence of key brain-mouth barrier also. Effective functioning equally essential to survival*. Direct link between sleep and degree of filter permeability. Those persons working night shifts, and those unable to balance the rigorous demands of day work and night play were particularly susceptible to failure in this area. Leading to blurting out all manner of A. idiotic, B.inappropriate, C. embarrassing and D. just plain old boring statements. (oh, and E. pervy!)

I am a master of the obvious ;)
Sleep more, edit more, speak less over all.

(*=and to pride)

Me, Laughing at myself...

56 screens all at once

2008-07-09T16:59:00.001-07:00

naked walls let thoughts ricochet unchecked.

contagious clouds of estrogen wreaking havoc.

fuck. (yup, I like that word)

every once in a while a little crazy comes to the surface.

today is that day.

first day packing up I guess. just that first bit of transition making me feel off balance.... but it'll come back.

Have edibles!

2008-07-09T00:00:00.001-07:00

I have a pickle!!! Well, a cucumber anyway, and something that will be a zucchini! Oh, and all kinds of tasty lettuce.
Do love dirt under my fingernails and the warm water slopping over the watering can onto near naked toes.
I will be sad to leave it at it's peak.

eh hee hee hee.

2008-07-04T00:48:00.000-07:00

Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Childrenâ��s Healthcare

And just like that, it's about me again...

2008-07-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

Had a spectacular weekend.

Flew down to Whitehorse on Friday. Must stop booking mid-day flts post night shift. I was - as usual - asleep before take off. Another passenger (whom I know... whom? who I know?-whatever) "Work nights last night Hero?"... that obvious huh?
Arrived to see Willie and Trina. Nothing quite like being greeted by good friends. - Kirsti was there with her girls picking up another friend. I don't mind to say that the fact that Hannah remembered me thrills me! (even if mom helped with the recalling ;)
From there the weekend took off. We cooked, chatted (no?!) drank wine, drank beer, wandered and drank more beer. Trina and Gerry win for #1 most low key wedding of all time. Can't tell you what a pleasure that was. Saturday I woke to:

"Ain't it good
Ain't it right"

Volume building....

"That you are with me
Here tonight
The music playin'
Our bodies swayin' in time
...."

"WAKE UP EVERBYBODY! THERE'S A WEDDING TODAY" Trina. excited. Followed by us dancing in the livingroom to the remainder of "Rock Me Gently".

I drank a hot latte from the best mug of all time, Trina iced the wedding cake, adding spectacular colour from the tree in the front yard. Food was prepped, breakfast consumed and talk of what to wear and what mother nature had in store for us bounced around the kitchen...

I won't recall the weekend moment by moment... are too many great ones to recount. It just had this overwhelming feeling excitement. Can't wait to catch up again come August!

One more little story. I did go for a run. Sunday afternoon, blinding white clouds punched out against purplish sky making the sunshine a tangerine colour, I noodled along the edge of a ridge, Coldplay's - Viva La Vida in my ears. My chest going like an accordion squeeze box, my heart beating out in raggedy time, I imagined a dusty trail of words that were tangled in my head refusing to come out... falling away with every heavy foot fall. I stopped and threw my arms open standing on a great rock (a la titanic- fack I am a drama queen) Fill me up! this moment makes me feel so very alive. I must have looked ridiculous. The bears were laughing no doubt ;)

oh one more...

2008-07-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is just a car; but for someone who couldn't commit to a pair of shoes it's BIG!
Congratulations car owner, you've scratched one more thing off the list.

Congratulations!

2008-07-03T12:16:00.001-07:00

Firstly, this blog is mostly about me... I do get that. BUT today insert cudose to a few friends who are blowing my mind!

Firstly, Doon.

(yes, I stole this pics, hoping it's alright)
I have had the pleasure of Dawn's company through some big life experiences. Starting as Barmaids together, we planted the first seeds in the fledging Inuvik Greenhouse while thoughts of south and school took root, Uni roomies together with our nerdy quilt workshop and wild nights out that never made it past the kitchen table, aqua-fit & Chic-Pea Salad - we exercised and then ate in our imaginary cafe, I wrote terrible papers with mad hair poking out from under the 'thinking' cap certain it was a gift that came with clever words... out into the world we went. Funny thing is life was growing us up on parallel tracks. Each of us on our own but together in so many more ways. I've so often been jealous, but in that way that friends are - I like her. Period. Her approach, her quiet pride, her absolute unshakable sense of adventure; always going in at the deepend. That is the thing about friends like Dawn, they push you by example (what kind of bad english is that? but she'll know what I mean). Dawn wouldn't brag, but I will!

She is now.... drum roll please.... Co-pilot on the 737. For all you non-aviation types (this group includes me) that is one big bad office with a killer view. Dawn, can't wait to be on board and hear, that this is "Captain and X and Co-pilot Hansen. today we will be flying at...." The squealing in the main cabin? that will be me.

The triumph of love over experience.
Congratulations T & G. (and e too.)

Where life has given you reason to lose faith, you need people like Trina and Gerry... Who love big and loud and with out reservation. Any idiot can see that they light each other up like a Lampoon house at christmas, but friends get the privilege of seeing that they do it with steel resolve. It's not a lottery, you make choices, you make a pact to be accountable to your partner, to your family and to yourself.
- that little voice spoke up again this weekend. Be patient. Don't settle. This! this is what I am waiting for.
I can't say thank-you enough for letting me be a part of this weekend.

Sal
Tri-athlete! Ha ha. the list grows. Physical prowess confirmed.

and to Kirsti,
Congratulations on the new job. Take credit where it is due. A mom, and wife, a runner and now working professional again. They ARE lucky to have you.

I take it back.

2008-06-23T21:40:00.000-07:00

Complaints of earlier are to be stricken from the record. Will blame it on too little coffee, and having yet to venture outside. Summer can stay. All is well :)

B and I, feeling a touch wilted, headed off to wander... to get our fix of fresh air and stretch our legs. We stumbled upon a perfect place to swim. Being slightly unprepared we had a whole bikini between the two of us, and a complete set of under clothes between us; each of us on our own having neither! Simple solution. Feel that five year old rush of being starkers, washed in icy water, giggling and chicken skinned. While in the water was heaven; once out and washed of all antibug armor, it was less o.k. Moozies are here. Quick, small and sharp those little bastards were on us! A quick dart to the truck to reapply and we could walk leisurely again. Chat was simple, the scenery an unremarkable and familiar mix of greens and browns.

While this story takes place mid-day, I appreciate it could have just as easily been mid-night. Arctic summers are a queer thing.

Holy Girly Batman!

2008-06-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

Today 29°C// Tue 28°C// Wed 27°C// Thu 25°C

Coolers (honestly), bikinis on the deck, popsicles, books and toe nail polish with sparkles! lots and lots of sparkles! (Thanks mama Baker for sending B those fabulous colours). A whole afternoon of lazy, chatty girliness... why the sedentary afternoon?
'Cause FACK it's hot here at the moment. I know, cold and dark for how long, this should come as a welcome respite? No, I need about a week and I am fixed. It can snow again, be dark again. The unrelenting brightness makes weary eyes, and there is always just an edge of wakefulness - even at 3am. O.K. that is all the complaining I will do. Just need to get outside and I will be loving it again.

Spaghetti Legs

2008-06-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

I did it!
Yesterday I ran my very first 1/2 marathon! 2:09. Slow - but I did it!!!

Thanks Sal, I couldn't have done it with out you! and thanks to "four initials are cooler then three" for wise words. Larissa for her cheers. Kirsti for getting me excited about the idea of running at all.

Having come from walking my little loop in Mary lake to this has been a very satisfying process. It was interesting to find that I missed running this week; I had a long run on Monday and then rested until yesterday. It is a great habit.

Had some good advice from friends, now I need to work on pushing myself harder. I have spent the last year just feeling so pleased with myself for doing it all; time to step it up. And on that note have the next goal in sight...

I grinned today as I signed up for the Victoria Half in Oct. I was talking with my soon to be boss in Calgary, as we negotiated a start date, I happily added "I have one commitment that I need to keep... I will also need a little time off in Oct...". I told Kirsti I would go - I am good for my word :)

Oh - I am moving. Talked a lot in the last 6mo. of being ready to go. The timing was finally right, the right job came up. Looking forward to this next adventure. The 'ToDo' list is happily matched with the list of things I am looking forward to doing!
...Farmers markets, River valley bike rides, Running room work shops, live theater, courses for work, coffee with my mom on the porch, dog walks with my sister and Chester, Art Gallery Calgary, C.O.P ski lessons, Kananaskis cross country skiing, Bikhram yoga!!!! and on and on...

2008-06-15T22:23:00.000-07:00

The company that helps to keep the pieces together.

Subtle, and lots of it!

2008-06-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

In a hole.

2008-06-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Merrrily feeling all kinds of sorry for myself. (Merrily being a gentle euphemism for gut wrenchingly & pitifully...O.K euphemism being a nice way to say a BIG FAT LIE)...
Good Baby Jesus, thanks for days like Monday; when hormonal, feeling off and more than a little anxious about company due to arrive on Tuesday, Becky came over and just kept me company. I felt a bit like Tom Sawyer.. "Sure is fun to wash the truck Bec', 'eww nothing I like more than washing Teaka!' She humored me, and made fine company in the process.
She made two wise observations on that sunny afternoon, and for those of you who know her this will not be surprising.
1. When having endless conversations in your head, where you recruit the imaginary input of friends, it is easy to forget that those conversation are INTERNAL! I felt like I have been having the same conversation about a particular issues forEVER! -- could not imagine that she would not be sick of hearing me talk about it. Only to be surprised to find that she was curious that I have been well, tight lipped. Was time to spill a little, and good thing. I often have to talk me way to a point. It is working it over, getting a feel for it on my tongue, when I blurt something out that surprises even me. I knew it was time put my money where my mouth is. Disappointment is not the worst thing in the world. I keep saying be brave, be bold... Time to change tracks if not getting what I want.
2. There is something invaluable about the company of persons with whom you can be completely yourself. No pretense, no needing to be on. Just eating popsicles, wandering, washing dogs and trucks, talking about relationships and how we believed they should work and the quiet peace you make with how they actually work.

So today is Thursday, Tuesday has come and gone and I am still in one piece; granted feeling a little like a broken piece. But! this at least, is a new strategy. Not a game. Not a ploy. Just resigning that sometimes the timing is wrong.

Friends

2008-06-08T19:05:00.000-07:00

Meet Sal!

I read a great article in Canadian Running about the motivation of friendship... there is a great line "Anyone who thinks that running is not a team sport has not run with my friends". I like that. And today, feeling hormonal, bloated and still full (see previous entry- too many tastey treats to resist at the Q)... legs like pilings, I ran with Sal. We had set a date. I just had to go, period. It was interesting to realize at about 5km I was being beaten by my head not my body. I saw Sal moving like a machine... curses I thought, Just do it. I love that even hot, stinking, and not feeling great, it still beat most days, and just doing at all made me smile!
So I'll take the trade. Some days good, like friday where I had a 10km run and 10km bike and felt like I could go for forever, and today, heavy footfalls and raggedy breathing. Big picture, I had great company.

It feels good.

Play, Play and well more play!!

2008-06-08T18:36:00.000-07:00

Brighid, Lee and I pack up. Wait. The crew for the days outing went through about 4 revisions. Lee and pilots, Hero, Paul and Ryan... Hero, Lee, Paul and Ryan and any not hung over pilots. Then Hero, Lee and Brighid. Honestly. Can we not just say o.K. plan to do something, details to be decided, pack a lunch and outside gear meet at 11. Period.
So 1:30ish we head out. Lee has access to a canoe!! So we settle on a paddle. From where to where to be decided.
Oh - One of the many things I will miss when I leave here is the need to factor chat time into basically any and all planning. Walk to res to meet Sal for a run, take 5min walk+ 10chat time for the two or three people I will meet en route. Why that tangent? Lee, apologized, as though it was unusual, when needing to chat up the 1/2 dozen co-workers he encountered in the hanger while we stole the canoe. No apologies needed, it is just the way she goes :)
We settled for putting in at Campbell creek with the aim of Campbell lake. Being at least moderately outdoorsy, but maybe not the most experienced canoers, we took a winding route there and back. Lee set up to fish once we hit the lake area. Think the most enjoyable part or the afternoon might have been Lee's fishing commentary. Intent on catching a fish, but being again largely inexperienced as a group, he wondered if his technique was up to par, his leur appropriate, his tension sufficient, his choice of location ideal, etc, etc... If only we could give the fish comment cards... or send a luer down with "how's my casting" bobber stickers. In the end we were skunked (I casted a few times myself, to no avail). Luckily, at the end of the day that was not the measure of success.

The evening was a BBQ with the work crew hosted by Jen and Sherry and Larissa... welcome to the new pup 'Blue' and just a good excuse to eat and drink with friends. At nights end I tried my hand (hands i guess, literally) at "Guitar Hero". Yup, the video game. It rocked, again, literally. I sucked! but still enjoyed. Larissa does a mean "Sabotage!" I seemed to be set on a 1sec delay; making the matching of notes a challenge. Rock Star, I am not.

Download...

2008-06-04T00:40:00.000-07:00

O.k. been a while. So will be a mixed bag of completely unconnected thoughts - not exactly out of character...

1. Recreating a childhood memory is a funny thing. The old expression you can never go home. True. No sadness; just the awareness the life is changing me. I am forever grateful for parents who encouraged imagination. To parents reading this, there are few gifts that will serve you child as well. Give them the ability to see their dreams.

2. I delivered my second baby in 10 days(!!) this week. Got lots of cheers, lots of congrats... most of which made me wince. Why? you ask. Well, because I am afraid that it represents a lack of skill on my part. Why had I not recognized the signs of imminent delivery? Both went incredibly well, but what if they hadn't? I think I share this in part because it feels dishonest to take credit where credit is not due. Granted, I managed very well under the circumstance, but need to develop so that not in that situation again. Ever learning.

3. Sal is back. YAY!! It is such a pleasure to have another dear girlfriend who has such a well developed sense of play. I have ran more, laughed more, thought more and just felt more on in the last week that in a while. How do we choose with whom to share our interior space? Glad I let her in.

4. Running up a storm! Honestly. Best run ever! this week. (Using my fancy new Forerunner watch- fuck gadgets do it for me!) Blinding sunshine, rocking beats (I have developed a fear I will shortout my ear phones by sweating and they will electrocute me "I smell burnt toast?") Felt rhythm! felt like I could go and go and confirmed my theory that a smile increases cardiac output!

5. Wandered with Bec and Lee; in whose company I seem unable to edit. I say more peculiar pervy things... Thank god they get me. Oh, we discovered that the mosquitoes are back! Little Bastard, I type smelling of Off, sweat and beer. I am a vision.

6. My heart is simple... my head is not. I am working on that. There is a little white box that is destined to burn, I am glad that I am ready.

May Long Weekend Campout.

2008-05-23T04:40:00.000-07:00

Thoughts to follow...

The clever girls guide to Camping!

2008-05-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

Ever hopeful. Spring is here, honestly.... it's MAY!
This weekend was a much needed break. I seem to be working and playing in funny little bursts. Too much work, then balanced by great fun. Not a complaint really- just an observation.

Sunday night was a superb! -if a bit chilly. Enjoyed the fly by the seat of our pants non-planning (goretex, taped seam pants) Conversation goes something like...
"We are all off on Sunday, wanna go camping?"
"yup"
(a week passes. no planning)
Morning of.
"Should we talk about food planning?"
"yup" , "hmmm, you bring X, I'll bring Y and all is good?"
Last minute check...." We have something to sleep in and sleep on? Something to cook on, to eat? to eat with?" check, check and check.
"wait, where are we going"
shrug.
"down the hwy?!...". .. and we leave.

And we wanted for nothing. Nothing with in our control at any rate, think orders would have been placed for an increase in temp, and a bit of darkness. OH! wait one essential ingredient was left behind. Marshmallows.

My head is split in many directions at the moment. What are the words that I am teased for using- "I feel"... oh, mindful, thoughtful, grateful. It's that time of year that I want for change, feel ready to uproot and make a new plan. Rinse off the stale feel of a winter rooted. This year beginning to plan in earnest. Time to go. Not to run away, but to work towards the next step.

I hate the planning, once it is time to do, am happy again. Am out of my head again. Not quite there yet, but en-route :)

I wondered about a friends comment about my willingness to make known my private thoughts... but then I suppose I don't think of these sorts of challenges/changes as especially private. More over, I think they are common, I think we talk too little about direction, about being purposeful (oh, there is another of those words :) It is in the presence of friends and family that I feel boldest. That I would use the place that I share my life with those persons I miss to make a contract with myself, create a conversation that I think makes me accountable - shouldn't be so very surprising.

Now ask me about my heart and that is a different matter altogether.

Blindness

2008-05-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

"you gotta stay alert,
everything we need to know is going on right in front of our eyes"
the end is alway right there in the beginning".

"Next time don't jump?"

"Next time jump with your eyes open".

How can I when I haven't landed yet?

on life, on jobs and friendship and love.
it is wide open.

T'is my season.

2008-05-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

am working nights, many of them, should be sleeping.
yeah, hi, I'm hero have we met?
this is how I spent the day instead....

should be napping now.
i am an addict.
bugger.

Grinning, ear to ear.

2008-04-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

Tired, sunsburnt, tired - did i say that already?
Days like today recharge me, make me happy.
What to say but that i love it.
One wish; to be able to share it with more friends.

Fucking Hell.

2008-04-26T18:15:00.000-07:00

What a day, million dollar day in fact.
Reminds me that when I call this place paradise I actually mean it on occasion!

O.K. So Plan for Saturday morning was to meet up 8am. Yeah, ouch - on my day off!- I get a call 10pm friday...."pushing back leaving until 9 tomorrow." Yippy.

Wake, caffeinate, pack and I am ON TIME! in the drive pulling the cord to start my sled when Paul drives up... he's off to round up the boys will be back 9:30ish. Get a call 15 mins later, "wanna come for Pancakes then leave?!" How is this a question. 2 pancakes and another cup of coffee later we are actually ready to get out of town. Oh- had a funny moment at the breakfast table, our hostess looks out the front window and sees my truck. I look out the back window and see the perfect view of the driveway of a friend's place (where my truck has been parked on occasion)... "Nice truck Hero, I didn't know that you had a truck"... tone says "OH! that was YOUR truck". Small towns.

We round up and head out, it's 10 :)

We are skidooing in fleeces and windstop. Weather is hard to beat. Just wanting the sun to poke out. Wood cutting was fun. I am such a nerd, I so completely enjoy being outside, working hard. (Paul had mentioned earlier in the week that the 'Boys' were going to do manly work on sat...Fack, f-that. I can pull my own weight- and still be a girl- and i did!)
Bite a lunch and a quick beer, and we nip of to a friends camp to regroup for an afternoon ride.

Afternoon was one of the best rides I have ever had. EVER.
Company was hilarious. Thanks baby jesus that I ingratiated myself with snacks and beer in the A.M. since I got spectacularly stuck - no, really it was impressive. Not just girl stuck, like I can't get myself out, but like Shit may need a helicopter for this business!! Poor Dave, such a good sport, when the track finally bit, it buried him in snow... and I couldn't stop. He kept smiling. And talk about timing, Gene says like 15min earlier," wow Hero is the only one who hasn't got stuck yet!" to which I said nothing! good thing.

Made it up the hill in the end, howling with joy. Grinning like a mad fool. We come to a Lk. that they had not found before. Was decided I should get to name it. 'Tits deep' since that is how stuck I was! Christened with a shared kokanne. Yummy.

Eric had lead the way just a little earlier to the most spectacular lookout over campbell Lk. The whole afternoon was just a treat. Came home ruined tired. So thanks to Michelle, Larissa, Sherry and Jen for putting up with my poor company over dinner :) They were funny, I was stunned. I feel into bed shortly before midnight and had the sleep of the dead.

A bit of Boston

2008-04-16T17:53:00.001-07:00

roll over flick computer on (roll over on air mattress). wake quietly, drink coffee (made for me) mug is white, simple & comfortable to hold. music streaming from my laptop to winnie's speakers (i did not know that you could do this)
she working on her dissertation. rolling from a habit of working each morning which has by pure magic, turned into a need to write each morning - i refuse to break this routine, 'write', make me take time to explore the city under my feet- Insert occasional comments over the screen, her little mumbles of thoughts spilling out, fingertips trying to translate ... I noodle through the days news...stopping to flipping through the print version of a series of stories that she translated from Chinese.
sun coming in from the lrg window that dominates the living room wall.
needing a little caffeine to kick start after a night of chatting into the wee hours, remembering that no time or distance will ever really matter, friends of the heart not of circumstance.
i'll run, she'll write, we'll regroup to lunch, lecture at harvard tonight.

(posting after the fact; lecture was like drowning in beer. felt over my head but delightful. in my head new ideas travelled like sparks along wires too long out of use. acutely aware of being in the company of persons much more clever than myself, liking it, challenged by it, intimidated by it also.)
I ran, it was heaven. Heavy footfalls along the river path. I like the sense of feeling all of my body. the breath coming in, the muscles in my legs, the wind making the little hairs on my arms stand on end. I grinned the whole way.

grateful for the company of people i love. natural to wish it for everyone i think.
the balance of the weekend was deliciously low-key.
i do miss winnie.

A visit with Annabella.

2008-04-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

Nan had a brilliant idea! Drive to Rocky and visit Annabella and the boys. I love those spontaneous plans, when all the stars align and it is just easy... the timing is perfect. Anna and I have always had the best luck with just these sort of plans!
We arrived early afternoon with lunch. Anna was in good spirits and the boys were happily being boys. We caught up on life's little details. Anna showed us her studio and I found the most perfect scarf! I already have one for myself but saw one that made me think of a friend. Shit, backing up.... Anna is an enormously talented weaver! She does the whole process, spinning, dying, all of it! Each piece is a one of a kind.
(Check out her goods -http://www.solsticestudios.etsy.com)

Ski and Snack

2008-04-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

What a day! Woke at a civilized hour, grabbed coffee and breakfast bagels en route to the mountains, skied sunshine (more clattered down the hill, really-- hazard of doing it so rarely) had a leisurely run down the skiout to end the day (after a frosty 1/2pint of beer, or course). Noodled briefly in Canmore decorating my imaginary house with the beautiful homey things from a madly priced store (with hideous spa music), then hit Crazyweed for dinner (http://www.crazyweed.ca/). Was there earlier in the week with a friend, but wasn't wowed by the dinner. Was good but not amazing, feared that it suffered from an excessively rosy recollection. After dinner tonight I would say not, is good, no, is fantastic! Fun also to go with a foodie. Mama played food trivia with Jan the Chef via Amy our waitress. "Please ask Jan is there coconut in the salad dressing?", "Is that fennel in the Halibut saffron chowder?" She was right on every call. If they were keeping score, we won. I could see her eyes glaze over distractedly, recreating the recipes in her head. Was a treat. Think also the flavor was enhanced by being truly hungry. A day in the sun will build a healthy appetite!

Hello Moto

2008-04-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

Motor Cross at Blackfoot.
Smelled like gas, was loud, dirty and awesome!
Go little brotha!

The first time in a long time

2008-04-02T18:39:00.000-07:00

Had the first good run I've had in a while today! Not terribly far, nor terribly fast but I felt strong! Yay.
Was wondering what was different? How to I make every run like this? I was cranky going to the gym, think a bit of angst work'd for me, but it mellowed to imagining Kirsti and I in Victoria; Running, and running and running. Once in a rhythm, my mind wandered and it was us shopping and lunching : ) By the time i left I was feeling settled, pleased even.

On the ice.

2008-03-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Ice road to Tuktoyuktuk.

2008-03-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

69°27'N 133°02'W

The long and winding road in this case was the frozen river, come ocean. Honestly, the novelty does not wear off. So Cool! Literally.

I have funny friends...

2008-03-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend Becky wrote this blog (link to the left). I had to share it. I laugh every time I read it. Too good not to share!!

“Have a happy period”… Really? Take off the rose-colored glasses you large corporation, and pick something more, ahem, realistic:

1. You WILL be okay (in a week)

2. You didn’t marry an idiot, today, it’s just you

3. Free chocolate with purchase

4. It will be like this for 30 years or so, then you’ll hit menopause and it will be worse. Far, far worse.

5. You look hot in those sweat pants.

6. Put down the knife.

7. You can swim with our product, but understand why you wouldn’t want to put a bathing suit on this week.

8. Hang in there; we do.

9. Congratulations! You’re not pregnant!

10. Happy worst week of your month…only 11 more to go this year

Which relative are you?

2008-03-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

Cultural differences can be subtle. I struggle sometimes with how we as professionals judge our patients. The expectation that our view is simply right, and anything less than their complete agreement means they are simple, or incapable or recognizing the truth. It is easy to forget that there are different ways to understand and organize our experiences...

In the quiet hours of the night, caring for a sick babe I talked with the mom. The mother had been gently cooing something to the daughter; when I asked what she was saying she explained it was her daughters full name. She told me that all Inuvialuit have the name of someone one else, and that they take after that relative. Her daughter was named for a nanuk (grandma) who had 'had trouble breathing', and since the child had been sick they added the name of another family member who is strong and healthy to help her. The mom explained that her own middle name was of a relative who had been beaten many time in her life, and therefore she (the mom) would bruise whenever someone touched her as a child. Talking more I 'discovered' that the mother actually has a bleeding disorder.

That sentence kinda says it all...

I could understand what was "really" going on. I think I kinda missed the point. She knows that there is an underlying medical disorder, but she also has a cultural perspective which explains why SHE has this medical condition. Western medicine rarely addresses the why; Sickness is random. But is it?

It was this or just light the bills on fire!

2008-03-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

and I quote
"A real 'wiener'! Why drag out the grill or boil pots of water when you can have hot, tasty frankfurters and buns in the time it takes you to make toast? Place into the special slots and push the button down...'
A bargain at $29.98
Above is a custom shaped hotdog toaster, holds two buns and two wieners.

Also for sale 'a bacon press' (no more wrinkly bacon for you!) Me giggling away looking at the catalogue for the gadget obsessed, and Sally says 'hey don't dis the bacon press, you can use it on burgers too, keeps them from getting a hump in the middle'. Me... laughing hysterically (it is 10hrs into a 12hr night shift... nearly falling out of dumpy work chair. Shit is funny at this hour.)

Catch-up

2008-03-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

O.K been a while since I blogged. Not sure what the silence stems from... (laughing at self totally aware that I am lying!... company in town that always seems to make me quiet on the outside, while non-stop talking on the inside. Must change strategy ;)

What have I been up to? I'd like to say studying but that would be a lie also .... very little done in the name of prep for an exam that I am traveling to YYC to write. Not sure how I am managing to sell myself on that bit of slacking, but so far am fucking the proverbial dog.

Had a decadent girly day yest. Started with Breakfast at the Mackenzie (I know, I know, I frequently complain about service and food there but in a small town with limited choices this is simply how it goes). Breakie was good, broke my usual habit of french toast and bacon and had two eggs any style, oven medium in fact. Was actually a girlfriend's comment that of course I would have french toast that reminded me to mix it up a little, that being said, next breakfast out...french toast with bacon that you can stand by one end please. I laughed my way through the meal enjoying the easy story telling of Sharon and Earl. I love the back of forth of recalling, one story running into another, each adding to the others recounting, just enough detail to paint a picture without all the bits that just make you bored (I do the later).

Then saw Courtney off at the airport (Dawn also, and half of town actually). I expect that I will never again live in a place where I can say with reasonable certainty that I know half of the people travelling and about the same number of the people dropping off (we are taking about jet service here, this story is infinitely less impressive if the flight in question is a king air and pax load is 20). Court got her dream job, and to quote a dear friend "the ambulance service in the arctic will never be the same again". She will be missed.

Becky and I then made out way back to town to recreate a city ritual. The girls day at the salon. It was hilarious! I was thinking that it simply would not have played out like it did anywhere but here... but I guess if we went to a low rent salon some of it could have happened anywhere. I broke a cardinal rule, having hair done by someone with bad hair; wait, that might not be fair.... if she had done her hair at all for the day, perhaps I would have thought, 'yes, that is stylish, flattering even'. Becky and I debated if there is a polite way to say foils and cut, no chatter please (with out adversely affecting haircut). The 'stylist' balances Becky and I (both getting foils and a cut) fits in another customer and manages with a straight face to talk about the ethics of balancing bookings with walking ins!? Irony was a bit lost on her. I was sent on a mission to Northern Store (no...wait, re-branded to be hip and new as NorthMart, snort.) I needed to pick up foil. Yeah, aluminium foil.

I ran across the road with a crumpled bill from the till to get the foils for my own colour job...As the stylist was putting in my colour, another chap in the salon was called on to rinse Becky...who would have thought that you could f the faithful hair washing... the delightful scrub/rub of the scalp and the sweet smelling shampoo and conditioners. Well, imagine him removing the foils ever so gently (read slowly) as though they are to be reused, timid fingers barely grazing Becky's scalp, coupled with her fear of over processed locks, then no conditioner at all and finally! rubbing the ends of her damp unconditioned locks with unexpected enthusiasm in the way most certain to cause maximal tangles! Arg.
Insert Becky brushing out her own hair. ouch. idiot.

As is normal for me, my subtle highlights rinse to a paper blond and therefore were not subtle at all. So toning, and lots of it.

Interestingly, both Becky (now Jessica) and I walked out quite pleased. Me thinking oh thank you baby Jesus, I have a dinner party where I am crushing a bit on the host, not a good day for a bad hair day. So we left feeling lovely, tipping nicely, transported for a moment to another place, a city place, a warmer place.

I primped for the evenings dinner party after a lovely walk with Tiny T. Dinner was good; lovely curries and good company. Got me thinking about friendship however. Again why friends? why not friends? why more than friends? Was an interesting mix of personalities. Interesting chat. Nothing too heavy.

I fell asleep last night smiling, wondering how is it I keep making the same choice with the hope of a different outcome.... (is definition of insanity non?) It was a deep and silent sleep. I woke with thoughts of good things.

Tuesdat Nights

2008-03-18T04:50:00.000-07:00

We all like to be part of something, so why not a weekly boozey dinner party. A club even; it is an exclusive dinner party.
Which really means we aren't playing with the cool kids so said we are going to take our toys and go and play by ourselves.
Looking forward to Tuesday this week.

2008-03-08T20:41:00.000-08:00

Big heart= capacity for big love, great joy, laughter that will split you open & make your cheeks ache but also means wounds go deep, little slights leave big marks, and cross words remain.
Ah, but I wouldn't trade it. At least not now. This afternoon... maybe.

Food glorious food.

2008-03-03T21:56:00.000-08:00

Ridiculous, Goofy g-chat with Becky today; she is so very clever. If it weren't for the possibility of criminal charges (it may burn yet!) and that ethical commitment to patient confidentiality, I would post here for others to read. Damn not being anonymous.

Great chat with mama today also, thinking about what we feed ourselves and the larger choices therein. Food is more than calories, and our choices impact more than out waistlines. Have had a few conversation on this vein, Kirsti and the organic coconuts, Suz and the hundred mile diet, Fair trade branding, CBC programing about food sources entering the fuel market (there are new government targets for bio fuels, market pricing will affect to whom farmers sell and for how much, obviously). Interesting challenges face our generation on how to feed the planet. I was encouraged by the reminder that market demand sets the price... Organic is such an exclusive club at the moment. It is presently a luxury to feed your body and your family organic or non-GMO foods... how can we put that reality in reach of the average consumer? It is not food snobbery; it is simply the most healthful choice. When did that stop being a priority? I was laughing at the description of the non-foods that flood the shopping isles. Looking forward to two books....Michael Pollan's 'The Omnivore’s Dilemma" and "In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto" (not so patiently awaiting my marked-up copy - hint, hint...read Faster)

An Excerpt from The Omnivore’s Dilemma;
For me the absurdity of the situation became inescapable in the fall of 2002, when one of the most ancient and venerable staples of human life abruptly disappeared from the American dinner table. I’m talking of course about bread.Virtually overnight,Americans changed the way the way they eat. A collective spasm of what can only be described as carbophobia seized the country, supplanting an era of national lipophobia dating to the Carter administration. The latter was when, in 1977, a Senate committee had issued a set of “dietary goals” warning beefloving Americans to lay off the red meat. And so we dutifully had, until
now.
What set off the sea change? It appears to have been a perfect media storm of diet books, scientific studies, and one timely magazine article. The new diet books, many of them inspired by the formerly discredited Dr. Robert C. Atkins, brought Americans the welcome news that they could eat more meat and lose weight just so long as they laid off the bread and pasta.These high-protein, low-carb diets found support in a handful of new epidemiological studies suggesting that the nutritional orthodoxy that had held sway in America since the 1970s might be wrong. It was not, as official opinion claimed, fat that made us fat, but the carbohydrates we’d been eating precisely in order to stay slim. So conditions were ripe for a swing of the dietary pendulum when, in the summer of 2002, the New York Times Magazine published a cover story on the new research entitled “What if Fat Doesn’t Make You Fat?” Within months, supermarket shelves were restocked and menus rewritten to reflect the new nutritional wisdom.The blamelessness of steak restored, two of the most wholesome and uncontroversial foods known to man—bread and pasta—acquired a moral stain that promptly bankrupted dozens of bakeries and noodle firms and ruined an antold number of perfectly good meals.
So violent a change in a culture’s eating habits is surely the sign of a national eating disorder. Certainly it would never have happened in a culture in possession of deeply rooted traditions surrounding food and eating...A country with a stable culture of food would not shell out millions for the quackery (or common sense) of a new diet book every January. It would not be susceptible to the pendulum swings of food scares or fads, to the apotheosis every few years of one newly discovered nutrient and the demonization of another. It would not be apt to confuse protein bars or food supplements with meals or breakfast cereals with medicines. It probably would not eat a fifth of its meals in cars or feed fully a third of its children at a fast-food outlet every day. And it surely would not be nearly so fat.

The Littlest things...

2008-02-29T08:08:00.000-08:00

Ah, familiar routine! A day off that is actually daytime. I woke in the dent, under clean sheets, smiling, listening to CBC.
Wandered in camp booties to make coffee and oatmeal. Let tiny T out for a pee and check the days news (CBC, BBC, Globe and Mail, Gmail, Hotmail, Facebook... like crack non? seriously.) T'is lightly snowing and I'm humming along to the soundtrak of 'The Darjeeling limited'.

Ever easy to please. Wandering away to start the day in earnest...

I sometimes wish I could censor a little more...

2008-02-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

But really!
Really?

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2008/02/28/film-tax-credits.html

"A new bill that would give the federal Heritage Department the power to deny funding for films and TV shows it considers offensive..."

Maybe out of the pool but my head is still underwater

2008-02-28T04:53:00.000-08:00

Well, been a week out of balance; too much work, too little play. Keeping in mind my normal is ever so slightly more play than work at the best of times ;)
(sidebar: punctuation smiles/winks are lame).

Having a professional hurdle that I am trying to figure out how to straddle gracefully. Feel short on the legs... and maybe a bit top heavy from a brain that insists on over processing EVERYTHING. Think I have mentioned previously that while I have had the luxury of many fun and random jobs, I have not been particularly invested in any work place; until now. I'm really good at neutral. Polite always, professional always. But what of the need to make the uncomfortable comment when there is behaviour or policy which is changing the practice and tone at work in a way which I don't agree with. Trying to learn how to speak up, (not willing to do it with yelling). I find that I often put the caveat on comments "while this is not a critical of Nurse or Doctor X personally, I have concerns about blah blah blah..." Why is it necessary to say this? Should it not go without saying that comment's are not personal attacks but rather a hope to improve that consistency of care and the dynamics at work? Maybe it is not necessary and more a reflection of my need to make nice...
Maybe the issue is that I am more aware of increasing responsibility. I feel more accountable. Maybe growing a little. Not satisfied to say 'I just work here", and that feels good.

O.K. enough serious shit.

Have had a few fun nights with friends too.

I may be the queen of awkward. Am over at friends for dinner and a movie. We are going to watching 'Lars and the Real Girl'. I get going about a program that I had watched about people who have 'relationships' with life sized dolls (snicker). How the reporter commented on one particular fellow, whose 'mate' was particularly integrated into his life, friends were aware of her etc. Lee is making odd faces as I talk, 'What program was this', to add to things I say I think it was 'kink'. After the movie, I realize that he hadn't known what the movie was about until we watched it. Making his wide eyes as I talked about anatomically correct life sized silcone partners less surprising. Can only imagine the inside voice..."Is Hero trying to tell us something? Lonely?"
I needed the distraction button. I just didn't know it.

2008-02-23T07:58:00.001-08:00

and no, sadly, persistence did not payoff.

Mother Nature is menopausal

2008-02-20T16:01:00.000-08:00

Hot flashes babe!
-8 °C here, honestly And sunny. I could ask for little more.
Well I could ask for the good sense to dress a little more appropriately... I stepped out with Teaka briefly at 1300, (coming off nights I had just awoken), was greeted with blinding sunshine. Weather seemed impossibly warm. Thought today is a bare calves kinda day. (Enter ridiculous football pants.) ...Light running jacket. Is balmy right. Well after about 30 min, not so balmy. Bit of wind on the ice road, meant smile in the pic hides the fact that naked pink calves would hurt like they had been rubbed with sandpaper (if I hadn't lost feeling already in the outer layer of skin). oops.
I exaggerate a little of course; but in the future will bring wind pant at least.

Brilliant afternoon.
And great excuse for being a complete wanker on my studies. Not able to be both clever and fit this afternoon. Theory goes... If have been active and therefore a little tired physically will have over all improvement in mental focus and task persistence tonight when I do buckle down and hit the books for a bit (oh, after I have dinner with Stacy and Mike and after aquafit). Not gonna pass? Deny, Deny Deny.

Couldn't resist...

2008-02-17T23:23:00.000-08:00

Hells yes, I wore it!

Dancing in the Kitchen

2008-02-17T22:45:00.000-08:00

Was a fun day. Woke and went to swimming. Was brave enough to wear ridiculous floral swim bonnet (is as bad as you are thinking it might be, in addition is ever so slightly impractical, flower kept getting under edge of goggles and then water got in... adjust, adjust, adjust...). Played in the pool really, got a few good stroke tips, then sat in the hot tub for a quick moment but couldn't stop thinking about 'people soup' Thanks for that image Mike.

Had Breakfast the Mackenzie, and was saddened to find that things were hugely disorganized, but the up side was they served breakfast past the usual noon cut off and I got the french toast I was craving. Waitress also made a great effort, which we appreciated and tipped for :)

Afternoon was massive purging. Am loosening ties but lightening my 'stuff', I have way more than I need. Honestly, is ridiculous. Working on having less. The purge was oh so very satisfying, says I typing from a desk with one computer and in a house with one TV (should = a little cake also as wasn't totally rash and will sell the thinned stuff that is worth a little).

P.M. was a fun bit of cooking,post gym'n. Sweated a little (who am I kidding? sweated a lot, mouthing along in a dramatic fashion to Roxanne, the version from Moulin Rouge...)

Tom Yum soup, was yummy.

Satay Chicken salad rolls.

Dinner was d'lish. Satisfying. Company was good too ;)

Am Hopeful

2008-02-14T14:20:00.000-08:00

I've never been a Valentines Girl. Not found of the holiday... not in any bitter I'm single woe is me sort of way. Didn't much like it when I was in a relationship either; think when I was, that we had a great arrangement. When Valentines rolled around, it always came and went with little mention but then on an arbitarily asigned day it would be a surprise gesture, a 'Happy non-Valentines' and a the spontaneous gesture felt genuine. I think this year I am just hopeful.

I've been in a bit of a funk... hence my long e-silence. But today I am smiling a little to myself. Valentines is born out of a common want to be wanted. I'm no exception. But I am pleased to be able trust that it'll come. I'll get there. And one random day of the year when Hallmark says tell the one you love that you love them... I think I have a great many good people in my life, I am happy for each one of them whose found what I am looking for. To the friends and family in love congratultions, let today make you feel lucky, to those still looking... smile that it means a world of possibility. Maybe the relationship that didn't work, was what was required to make your heart ready for the one that will!

A fire in the Sky.

2008-01-20T16:54:00.000-08:00

Driving back from a quick wander on Airport Lake.
A deep slash in the heavy cover of cloud, revealing the sky looking like split flesh. It felt like a glimpse of something raging, just beyond hearing.
The picture is sadly lacking.

Willie should have been here

2008-01-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

Great day. Woke cheery, dreamed about trips and training. Met Kevin for lunch and had an engaging conversation. A pleasure to feel like I was really getting to know him. Sidebar: My internal clock is set for just after the nick of time. Seriously, I am on time for nothing in my life but work; which I am religiously prompt for. What the F!

Afternoon was more time outside, ahhh, great satisfied sigh. It feeds the soul.
Eve was a bit Betty Crocker. Made fancy bran muffins (bran/oats/banana/crasin/pecan & ginger!); baked up one trial batch and gifted it to the pilot boys who are bacheloring it up here (but gave it to them at the gym, so felt a tad less house frow).

New face at the gym this eve. One arm pulls ups(like one handed chin up!!). Honestly. Yummy. Girl can't help but notice. Oh and smiled also. Love the look of liking working out(a bit of alliteration there)!

Ended the eve with a fun two handed chat . A ridiculous, but wonderful note to end the day on.

On having balls...

2008-01-18T19:24:00.000-08:00

Advice given to me: 'Stop being so fucking diplomatic and just be honest. Concise. You can talk yourself in circles.'

I know this to be true.

I hate hearing 'you are too kind'.

I know it to be true also and not flattering.

I have the words, they just get editted.

Ha ha ha.

2008-01-15T15:56:00.000-08:00

"She scolded me for being flippant, and scorned my tendency for infantile comedy in the face of mature tragedy. I asked her if there was any such thing as immature tragedy and she poked me in the middle of my third eye and said 'there you go again!'"

"Idea for a piece: record all conversations with mum from now on. Transfer them to Dictaphone tapes. A hundred Dictaphone machines on the gallery floor, full volume, all playing mum. Call it Love."

David Thewlis

2008-01-15T15:43:00.000-08:00

Temperature -36.

I've never been much of one for New Years resolutions, but the start of the year is just such an easy mental reference point. With quiet resolve and some wise words maybe this is a good year to just commit to a few little adjustments, little improvements, wee challenges. This is for me and knowing that, I feel lighter, like I can breath a little easier.

Proof of holiday

2008-01-14T14:22:00.001-08:00

Holiday

2008-01-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

Am a complete wanker when it comes to work... am on holiday again. Detour through Whitehorse for a Perfect! night with Kirsti. Think she gets me and I love that. Chat, dinner, chat, wine, chat more, home, more chat. Just what a slightly weary me needed... (had arrived home 8:30am that morning after a somewhat taxing night shift feeling like I HAD to remove Christmas tree carcass from my living room before leaving the place to Dawn for the week... so only sleep was on the plane en route to YXY. Once again, I was asleep by the end of the YEV runway. Thank god. As many a good friend can attest, I suck overtired. NO really.)
Arrival today in Kelowna p/u by Sal. and what a hell of an afternoon, am actually a wee bit too sleep to do the day justice so will only say, was Fab. Will update soon. Off to dream of powdery snow and Steaks at the days end.

System failure.

2008-01-03T17:20:00.000-08:00

The pentium melted down this morning, just can't figure out how to reboot.
I think there is a virus in the programing. Fuck.
Control/alt/delete, Control/alt/delete, Control/alt/delete me to a smile.

Runners, -26, and 'My Chemical Romance' at max vol. having to do the trick.
I think the process is similar to unplugging and taking out the battery.

...
am a nerd non?

In the snow...

2008-01-01T17:01:00.000-08:00

Can hardly think of a better way to start the year!
Had a nice quiet New Years with friends, drank a little (no, seriously a little) Champagne. Walked home under a dark sky full of stars. Slept well.
Then this afternoon, the very firstest day of 2008, Larissa and I packed up for a little snowshoe. Mother nature smiled on us, t'was a balmy -18.

Thanks Larissa for a great day!!
Tiny T, came in plunked herself down and has honestly not move an inch since we came home. Pooped little dog.

Party Like it is 1996.

2007-12-28T17:12:00.000-08:00

Most sensible people won't go rip it up three days before New Years - am not one of those people.
In an impromptu evening of dancing and drinking we made like we were 19 again (most of us a good ten yrs past that). Drinking, carrying on and generally being ridiculous. Funny to be reminded that for all of our growing-up, our responsible jobs, houses, cars and RRSP payments... we are all still ourselves. Still full of uncertainty, and insecurity, hopefulness and wanting. Sometimes we just need friends around us, the safe circle of people who know and love you, lumps and all... who can match you Tequila for tequila & 2step you around the dance floor while you step all over their feet!

Frig, I love the iceroad.

2007-12-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

That is really all I have to say. Love it, love it. Took tiny T for a little run on it today. Was reminded that even in a balmy -23 it's a good idea to wear something over your mouth... (since was sucking wind at an alveoli freezing rate... unfortunately this does not mean that I was moving fast, only that I was breathing hard- gasping really).

SnowShoes

2007-12-21T04:25:00.000-08:00

How can you freeze an ass that is working this hard?!
Went for a little snowshoe with Kim this aft. Felt warm, thermometer read -26 degrees. I figure I will be active enough to fore go the heavy snowpants. Sun is tracing the line just below the horizon making beautiful pink skies, the air is still and crisp. Company is great. All distracting and engaging at once. Likely why I didn't notice until they started to thaw, that my ass cheeks were frozen. Maybe heavy snowpants was the way to go.

The evening was much less exciting, on-call for OBS; the pager bings while at Kim's snacking cookies and sharing holiday pics. (Which is why I am blogging at 5:46am - still friggin awake. Am arsed up from a week of nights already, plus I get awake to work then can't turn off, arg.) But on the plus got a phone call that thrilled me, I am such a girl. Amazing the simple things that can make you happy. I guess I should speak for myself... 'that can make me happy'.
Oh, idiot internet elves and 'Kavorkian scarves' also make me smile... not to mention...
snakeshow, SnakeShow, SNAKESHOW!!

Turkey and Lots of it!!

2007-12-20T18:25:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, Dec 19th. Good day for a great meal. Started with Sal and I ending night shift, feeling COMPLETELY knackered. Tired, a bit cranky and needing sleep; a goofy breakfast with a friend was just the thing. The food was even good! Fried egg sandwiches on rye, Yum. The Eskimo is a little low on ambiance but since the breakfast was really all about the company, it hardly mattered.
Then it was home for two hours sleep before getting up again to make ready for the evenings potluck. (Yuppers, the day was pretty much all about food -T'is the season for it I suppose.)
The evening was crazy amounts of food, Francis's unreal eggnog (like whipped cream infused with a mix of rum and baileys... deadly... couple of glasses of that and you'll wake naked except for an elf's hat wondering who you are!) Sal baked a delish Turkey; the size of a toddler. Many bodies & much laughter. It was cool, one of the nurses had her son up from out of town. Funny to see bits of her, her speech, little mannerism & her enthusiasm, in him. Cute kid. We got to playing 'Catch Phrase' and made the rather unsurprising observation, as one side of the table stomped the other (Teams were made down each side of the table), that liquor is not performance enhancing in this particular game, (it could fairly be called performance enhancing in something like charades, were a little social lubrication can go a very long way). Wine glasses lined one side of the table... it showed :)

I ended the night a tad sad, as yet another crew of great people made preparations to leave. I do tire of the coming and going. I appreciate that people come in and out of our lives for a reason.. but every once and while you really connect with someone; who then leaves. I've been lucky enough to make several great friends in this past year, and while we will no doubt be thick as thieves for a long time, I miss being able to call Laura for silly road trips to Aklavik, Willie for Tekillya with clam, and will miss Sal also (thought plans have begun already for the next visit!!)

2nd Annual Tobogganing Goofiness!

2007-12-14T16:14:00.000-08:00

Worked nights last night. 1st in 6ish weeks, yuppers ouch. So came home this am a little scrambly, and awake; 10 cups of coffee used to keep me functional over night still coursing through my veins. Oops. So late to sleep. Phone rings 2ish, I stir. Slowly ramble out to the computer, knock on the door (me near naked and a little stunned!) It's Jen and Court come to go sledding!!! You have never seen someone pull shit together so quick! I snacked the frozen muffin left to me by Doon (who, sadly, I missed seeing off this am! Miss you already but the way !!) and pour in a quick cup espresso made drinkable in gulps by fridge cold eggnog!
To the hill we went, bundled against the very reasonable cold, grinning, noses poking about neck warmers. Made me miss Laura and Laura! (vids come'n via e-mail ladies!)
Andrew joined and busted out his skis. How many turns can you poke into a 20' run? A surprising number actually. Teaka did her usual mad dog impression. She really does not! like sledding. She tried VERY hard to give Court a head injury! Tackling her midhill at full speed. Think T very nearly took herself out too, full in the air rotation.... briefly stunned in the snow. Court may have a shiner! (ok I am cut off on the exclamation marks, honestly is getting out of control)!!

Dreaming...

2007-12-12T12:56:00.000-08:00

At some point (hopefully many) we set out hearts to something, a plan, a job, an adventure, a relationship. We make a wish, that creates the room to paint a picture of a life, of ourselves, or, maybe a single moment in time. We get to dream. But we also get to grow and to change, be bolder, maybe more timid in moments also. So what of the dreams that might not fit anymore. When do you let them go? Maybe that is the easy question, you let them go when you are ready, maybe the better question is how. And how to make it through the process of realizing that the time has come to collect yourself, look forward and begin to dream about something different?
Equally challenging... is what of realizing a dream and being left with the quiet question of ...if this is what I asked for, is it enough? I guess that phrasing is dramatic, but not the process. That is how it is supposed to go. You don't wish yourself to the finish line. Fack, I sound like a fortune cookie. I guess it just feels like a long time since last Christmas. I guess I am being a bit cryptic but I don't really know how to talk about the 'what next'. The mixture of satisfaction and longing. Mama gave me a plaque that reads "she never liked passing up opportunities to be engaged with something real". I like that it has the spirit of adventure. I like that someone would see that in me. But I am asking myself if I am making choices that are challenging?

I almost got another tattoo in Thailand, I have this idea for a little compass. Guess I am just thinking about where it's pointing. How to stay mindful of where I'm going. I've talked alot about the fear of settling, of the power of a single want being big enough to keep you still and focused until you realize, when you look around, that you are someplace unfamiliar. Eyes open is the point. I always say I can only feel my way forward, but I also appreciate that I can feel my way sideways, and backwards :) The heart is a funny thing.

Sidebar:
'More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones' ...
I think this true, but the weight of it is all about hindsight. Says she trying to look forward.

Cooookies!

2007-12-11T17:14:00.000-08:00

It's a Sunday, it's December, what to do, what to do?
Make cookies.
Dawn and I having done this once or twice, decided that while making the classic ginger bread men, we wanted something a bit more creative. So we made yogigingermen. Inspiration from active living. (Nope, not healthy cookies, I will usually reduce the fat and sugar in things like muffins but not coookies.... these were full fat, full sugar cookies!) We poured ourselves big lattes, cranked Christmasie tunes and baked! nibbling ourselves slightly sick. Was a delgithful way to pass the afternoon.

Thailand

2007-12-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

Comments to follow.

A PreChrsitmas Christmas

2007-12-03T14:10:00.000-08:00

I kinda missed the warm up to Christmas this year, namely the month of November as winter settles in and little by slowly the Christmas season inches up. I arrived from hot sun and beaches to snow and carols and had the wonderful sensation of being hit over the head with candy cane bat by the sugar plum fairies. It is the holiday season.
We gathered together on Saturday morning at Banan's, after a quick stop for 1/2sweet skinny peppermint mochas. Put up the tree, and merrily cooked while I suffered through the annual penance for poor teenage judgement (4 songs off NKOTB Christmas album --the family took pity at that point, we had suffered enough for another year P.S. thanks e-bay for making that shaming possible).
We all laughed, ate, laughed, ate, drank a little, ate some more olives, and just enjoyed each others company. I managed to avoid the captain, despite much peer pressure!
Thanks Nan and Mike for hosting and making me feel so very spoiled.
T'was a great night.

Thai Cooking with the Clan!

2007-11-30T21:25:00.000-08:00

Western ingredients are sub par, but whatever... it was the process! Getting to share stories and recipes from travel with the people most important to me in the whole of the world. That the recipes actually turned out is just gravy!
Made white lipstick soup (Tom Kha Gai) and Shrimp cakes with red curry in Banana leaf with coconut rice! We all pitched in, and all ate well. Love that I could say to mama "Do you have a steamer?" "yes, Bamboo O.K?"! Seriously she has all the kitchen gadgets. Kept reminding me that I was using the wrong knife - habit from having two knifes in my kitchen arsenal - one big, one small :)

Lucky/Blessed/Good Karma

2007-11-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

Back from Holiday. Overwhelmed by the sense that I am lucky. Arrived after hasselfree, well timed flights; there was one small hiccup which resolved in my favor in the form of an earlier! connecting flight. I arrived home a bit scrambly on account of the time change, but feeling excited to be here, and recharged by a month of luxurious travel.

Shared pics over a glass of wine last night with my parents, whom I love and appreciate. Glenn especially, in light of conversation with Mama about professional challenges that he dealt with admirably this past week. Mama for her endless pursuit of new learning, and constant awareness of good fortune. (and for knowing that after a month away, oatmeal with raspberries and strong western coffee would be my greatest craving!).

Woke this morning at 6:45am, feeling rested. Got to see Glenn before he darted off to work, mama and I made CD's (long overdue) talked about good books, yoga and balance. Mama is getting ready for the day as I put down a few words in an effort to clear some of the clutter of the many observations and thoughts from this past month. I will no doubt update in dribs and drabs and surely many pics are to come :)

I don't believe that people get what they deserve. That the good will prosper, that the bad will get theirs. Good fortune is simply that. Lucky. I continue function as thou there was 'Karma' because I like the action that it creates. Met a great gal Linda on holiday that talked about getting a tattoo that said blessed. I love the idea but wanted for something less 'religious'. Lucky feels too trite. I like the idea of a grateful heart. I believe that I live with a grateful heart.

Out To Lunch

2007-11-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

Setting out on a wee holiday... Back in month! Taking good advice and plan to aviod the computer while I am away. Will post updates upon my return.

(I've added this for fear that those who know me, and so also know that I am computer addicted, may have been quite worried that I had come to some grim end otherwise!)

h.

Choking Hazard

2007-10-29T01:16:00.001-07:00

Dinner with Kevin, Trina, and Willie is high risk! Serious choking hazard! Cheeks sore from laughing! Poor waitress, sorely lacking humour, found our table tiresome I think. "Are you ready to order drinks?" "I think we will need another moment thanks"... and repeat. Three times. Too much goofy chatting and ridiculous gossiping to give the wine list a proper look. (ended up with a superior Cab Sauv any way!)

Old School Sundays

2007-10-29T01:07:00.000-07:00

Feed the tummy, then the soul, then the brain... All 'bout the balance.

Double cream Bree, smokey bacon and apple stuffed french toast! 8th Avenue Dinner! The bathroom behind the service station has a cool sink. It is mounted in the middle if an old four panel door, the two top panels replaced with glass the middle cross piece supporting the sink. Neat.

If in Calgary and feeling a need for a wee unpretentious fix of art try Art Central. Down town across from the Hyatt hotel. It is a corner building full of creative energy. A mix of studio and workspace... there is something to inspire whatever your taste. K that is my little plug. Go, it's cool.

And then while away the afternoon in McNally Robinson! A book store in the old school tradition. I could spend the day in the kids section alone. It reminded me of my dad reading stories to us kids, ...Rascal the raccoon, whose sugar cube 'disappeared', was a particular fav. We all have certain luxuries that we guilelessly allow our selves. Things which we decide are simply worth the cost (be that financial or other). Books. I allow myself books.
(Yes, Yes I know, I also allow myself a great many other things as well)

Hannah, Hannah Banana....

2007-10-27T22:40:00.001-07:00

Took Chester to the southland dog park. Nan laughed (mostly) as I used Chester's fur to wipe the slobber off my fingers from handling his ball... (Big dog= Big drool)... He just thought it was extra pats :)Made me miss Teaka, but also appreciate Jen and Courtney, Sherri and Larissa! Is such a great relief to be able to take off holidays and not worry.

We walked, made small talk, decompresse. I love that Nan continues to give me advice, which I continue not to take. It marks a turning point in how we speak to each other. As grown ups we are no longer looking for each others approval, just input; and I am always happy to happily disagree. I love that I think Nan now appreciates this (though I know I can be exasperating in my endless insitance on arguing the otherside --of everything--). And yes, I suppose I can't help but conceed, 'I know that you are right, but I will continue to feel my way forward as this has served me well and feels right'.

Oh holy shit...

2007-10-26T03:19:00.001-07:00

Did I metion I am leaving on Holiday tomorrow?
Err, in 7h 40min?
That I am excited!
And wearing super 'blackwear'. Are Stealthy underwear! Imbued with special powers thanks to the great circumstance under which I came to own them! Girlfriends are fabulous. (G-mail request from a girlfriend after a brief rant about things not going my way was "what size under ware to you wear?" my response "huh?" Apparently, it is a tradition that when having a girly dilemma to receive undies, sexy ones, the gift that every girl needs.

(Beck, could not say thanks to you with out at least one word that could qualify for a Word-a-day calender...Imbued
1. To inspire or influence thoroughly; pervade: work imbued with the revolutionary spirit.
2. To permeate or saturate.
3. To stain or dye deeply.
(and Yes 2. and 3. in this context made me giggle and wince a little).

Nosehill

2007-10-26T02:54:00.000-07:00

Saturday forecast for Calgary, Brilliant Sunshine and 9°! and I am going to run on Nose hill until my lungs are burning, my mouth tastes rusty, and my legs are jello! Funny, how I miss that that grassy lump. Many a great afternoon walking Tiny T, walking up and down and up and down with Mama reviewing the days nursing lesson. (Learning in ones sleep is by osmosis, perhaps laying in the memory of the days pharmacology lesson was learning by pedmosis? Tredmosis?)

There are certain city treats that I want! Art Gallery Calgary, Avenue Dinner, McNally Robinson, Crazyweed, a kaninaskis hike, school mates and pints.
Feeling very ready for a break. A bit burnt this last week. Too much work, too little sleep, and a funny feeling that an idea I have been holding onto needs to be let go of.

The otherday had cross words with a doc about an admission that I thought was bull shit. Went on to have a huge argument with myself about why I was peeved about the situation, as a year ago I would have likely argued the other side. Really worked through whether the reaction was being tired (possible), being Jaded (possible... less likely), Lazy (not- was wanting the work actually- bit pissed by MD's suggestion that floor census somehow made this admit more appropriate!) or just an increasingly realistic sense of what we can do for people and what they need to do for themselves. No one needs to convince me of the power of a teachable moment, the capacity for change in even the most seemingly hopeless case (would be preaching to the converted) BUT I do take issue with very expensive care that makes us as health care professionals feel better about ourselves while doing our clients a disservice... we need to create opportunities for success (which CANNOT happen with out there being some personal responsiblity) and as I have said many a time, allowing competent adults to make autonomous choices... even if they are VERY VERY BAD ones.

Great sigh

2007-10-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

I wish sometimes that I could unknow things. That I could continue in blissful self deception, brilliant denial. Why can I not simply wish this to be so.

Blood and Bingo

2007-10-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Ah, a busy day at work.
Can it still be a PPH if the the mother is well enough to be irritated that your fundal checks interfere with her playing bingo, and her pressure and energy are both sufficiently high to dab and then hit the call bell to have you (the NURSE) call in a bingo? (or was the excitement of the win keeping her pressure from crashing?!) Tough call.

5 Day Forecast for Inuvik.

2007-10-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Friday... Saturday ... Sunday
High -4°C.... High -6°C ....High -5°C
Low -8°C..... Low -7°C ..... Low -6°C
Chance of flurries. Chance of flurries. Periods of snow

Will be in Snowshoes in no time!!!!! Snow babe, Snow. I am sitting looking, feeling like a drowned rat. First day back in the pool in while, felt like it too -interesting how feeling so beaten can feel Soo Good.. Strange to be pulling on a swim suit as the world outside my window transformed into a winter wonderland! Swim suit, towel, winter jacket, mitts, boots hee hee!

Preparation has begun for Thailand, which for me means actually starting to think about packing, and details blah blah blah, which means that no real action will take place for at least another week. A little scary since I leave in two weeks. But then really what do I need? I mean NEED. Passport, credit card, mini med kit(antidiarrheals, antibiotic etc). Really, perspective right, the rest is luxury. Which isn't to say I won't try and pack well, I just won't get stressed about it is all.

Thinking these days that honestly life is pretty low stress. The odd hiccup sure. Like a male friend who doesn't want to play with you anymore cause it's too hard (yeah, that blows). Moments at work where I wish I knew more. The odd moment of wondering if my persistence will result in having my heart stomped. Maybe it's the season. Busting out the Russian Hat, snowy walks, holidays soon, time with family, friends who'll let you come watch rugby and drink tea at 7am, girl friends that have shortbread cookies that taste like Christmas and soup when you're sick. Maybe I am feeling grateful, since I sulked for a week feeling sick. Funny, I so like to think of myself as strong, independent etc, but a bad bought of the flu can reduce me to the suckiest girl. Honestly, I have not! been good company for the last oh, 10days. Really, to those friends having to put up with me. Thanks, no really, THANKS. I will heavily dose with Vit.C, keep hydrated and rest well to prevent a repeat of the sappy episode of , boo entertain me... whine, whine, whine (read in low pitch, no t's, nasally tone, gross).

Almost Time for the Russian Hat Again...

2007-10-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Winter is coming. Settling in. It will be full on in no time!

Ahhh, great satisfied sigh. I love the darkness at night. Kim and I went for a run after work, long tights, mitts and a toque... caught the sun slinking off for the day, finished the run in the dark. Felt good.

Monday night I went over to girlfriends for Thanksgiving dessert. As we sat chatting in the living room the power went out. I went out onto the deck, town was pitch black, but there were a million stars!! Do you remember laying on the picnic table in the backyard as a kid and starring through a paper towel roll, straining one eyed to count the stars in your little circle - but there were so many that you always lost count?! It was stars like that! Somewhere across the street they were drumming and chanting. It was a surreal moment.
In the house there were candles and flash lights, and the feeling of being at camp. When the lights came back on, we all thought that the power should go out more often when we are together.

Oh. Couldn't resist a note about Teaka's sworn enemy! (No, she doesn't speak to me, seriously 'sworn enemy' is just a figure of speech). I have a large action packer on the deck with bags of dog food. When I fill the container that I keep in the house, there is inevitably some stray kibble that makes it into the breaks between the decking etc. The local squirrels have figured this out, and so now come around looking... they chirp and squeak, and it makes little T a teenie tiny bit mental as she watches helpless from behind the french doors. Yup, cause she is starving and those wee nuggets represent life and death! Honestly to hear her yowl you would think so. Funny thing is she does it quietly. Like bitching someone out under your breath.... She is an odd dog.

Goofy

2007-10-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

Wow, feel'n a bit silly this am after 12yr at the asylum. Finished the shift on fumes but then walk out into the fresh air, get home to excited pup.... let her out to pee and that's it. Wind #2, whether I like it or not (that just sounds wrong, I get a '2nd wind' - otherwise sounds like a fart joke).

Nothing deep this morning, nothing profound or witty. Just rambly. I was looking over a long blog I had written the other day and then hesitated on posting and decided that I think I'll shelf it until it gets another read, or I am stuck by another ranty mood. Oh some days it feels like the words just fall out in no particular order... I rather expect that it sounds like that too on occasion :)

Ah fuck it. I can say I'm sitting here and my feet reek, they smell very very bad. Yup, that's my cue to cut idiot self off. Stop sharing. Stop typing.

Full stop.

On being able to make the unpopular comments...

2007-09-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

"The worst aspect of what gets called 'political correctness' these days is the erosion of the intellectual confidence needed to sort out, and rank competing values."
Wiliam A. Henry III.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow....

2007-09-21T23:21:00.000-07:00

Sept 21, 2007. Winter.

Winter is arriving, which is perfect timing. I managed a pic or two of the fall colours... before grey rains striped the trees of their pretty leaves. And now SNOW!
I was working last eve when it started and so darted out into the night... (well, out 10 feet from the emergency entrance). Still those first few flakes make me smile.

Wherever love finds you!

2007-09-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

Had a lovely dinner with girlfriends last night, was reminded that we really ought to do that more often. Make time, catch-up, trade stories, look at pics, pet the dogs....all that little stuff, you know, details.

AND we finally confirmed that what so many could see from the outside (namely a great connection) proved to be the truth.

Take love wherever it finds you, be grateful for whatever form it takes! and celebrate with those who bravely grab hold and go for the ride! Yay!

LOOOK!

2007-09-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

Ha ha... I am wearing a scarf!!! I love it! (Caroline-is Smoking Lily one) Took wee T fer a walk 'about Boot Lake; not sure who enjoyed it more. I have this intensely visual process, I can see the yellow as I breath it in, feel it split into a million tiny particles in my lungs and disperse like little effervescent remnants of sunshine all through me (Thanks Trina for the excellent E word- it's been like a piece of a puzzle in the wrong set all week)

A Creature of Habit

2007-09-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

Am merrily spending afternoons walking tiny T on the ski trails and making stew. Surprise, surprise. This is just what I do in the fall. Only thing left is to make bread and since I'm off this weekend, it is highly likely that I'll cross that off the list directly. What is it about fall? Biology, girly biology. I am nesting! Fack, it is ridiculous. Planning for the winter, already excited about hats and mitts, fuzzy scarves and heavy boots. At least Teaka benefits.

On a completely unrelated note, I was whining about my non-improving Squash game and the need to play more.... when a friend mentioned that I have whined about this before... which is true. Got me thinking a bit. I have superb task persistence in a single sitting, but can be a bit distracted with tasks over time. Think I should like to work on that. Am great at playing at things. Would rather like to be good at getting good :)

More random thoughts.Thinking on relationships and the completely illogical nature of attraction. Am unsettled by seeming lack of control over same. Why not able to love the good on paper? Why ridiculously in like with the complicated? Guess there is a sappy romantic somewhere deep inside me (granted, gagged and chemically restrained).

Any excuse, really.

2007-09-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

More photos? No, seriously. A capital idea.
Little encouraging required to take pics, then go for beers. Is a pattern there somewhere ;)

One Plus

2007-09-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

Is Autumn again. Already.

Arrived in Inuvik just over a year ago. The familiar scenery of changing leaves, the warm-ish days and cool nights all have me feeling a little reflective. A little in a funk to be honest.

"One year in Inuvik and I feel a little itchy for more, more what I don't know. Just realizing that while Inuvik for another year makes sense cake wise, I think that needs to be the end of my love affair with this strange place." Me, talking to a friend.

Is good to have heart catch-up to head (if only this were true in all areas!). I think I have been able to do what I needed to here, make sense of what I needed to... now plans can begin for what is next. I came once for a summer job and stayed, for nearly 5 years I stayed. Just wary of doing that again, saw a dear friend pass on dreams because of the pull of safe and comfortable here. Think what comes next could still be a choice to work here for a while, but I guess the point is feeling able to go. Being ready to make a choice.

It has been an eventful 12mo. Big move, new job, new friends made, old friends missed, a little travel, a whole lotta laughs, adventures into dating (or non-dating :) I am grateful for this place. I like the idea of enjoying once last cycle of seasons with the awareness that this might be the last wicked fast fall, winter of darkness, spring season of mud and finally buggy summer again.

Dawson City Bitches

2007-09-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

Ah, A big farewell to Laura and Laura. We have done it up in Inuvik so many times that a fitting send off required we go to whole 'nother Territory!
Was a great weekend. In keeping with Dawson trips past, it was a steady low grade drunk, street meat in excess, eating eating and eating, Willie and I testing our joint adventure skills in a wicked fun little climb and jog, gambling, a little art, and a lot a lot of pictures. Think we all felt like somehow with more pictures we could make more memories to keep us company as we went out separate ways. Highlight might have been impromptu drop in to Peabody's for old school pics. Sepia images of we 5 dressed as brawdy lasses, with guns and liquor! Classic

Come BACK!

2007-08-31T16:17:00.000-07:00

What more can be said.

Wedding day.

2007-08-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

Opened with Mani/pedi's in a lovely place near Nan's house. I am embarrassed to say that I do not know the nationality of the gals working there but English was clearly not their first language (not a problem) and meant that when talking amongst themselves that they talked in something other than eng -- But I have seen one too many subtitled scene of just this variety. Several white women fussing that the white on the french pedi is too thick (me) and makes their toes look fat. Insert subtitle, "Silly bitch, it is the fat that makes her toes look fat, or the fact that they are stubby..." I made up all kinds of colour commentary. Vain really, and the likely truth is that they had way more to talk about then us...Did keep me amused, however. Simple. So very simple.

Then hair and make-up. Lisa is a saint. Patient, aware of what she can do and what she can not (nope, not possible to give me Angelina lips). She did have excellent blushes from NARS (sp? -cosmetic line) with great names like 'deep throat', and 'sin' hee hee dirty. Love it. Love it. Nan had a little nerves at this point, but remained fun and

(small insert, Jen just dropped by with the 2! vol CD set of pic from this past weekend in Dawson City!! - yeah, doing this post after the fact (No shit given that it is just now getting posted right? am a master of the obvious. Where was I)).

Oh hair and Make-up. Short version it... it was done, we all looked lovely, if I don't say say so myself...

Glenn arranged for a Roles to take Nan around for the weekend. Not just a smoken' car but matching the wedding colours!! So imagine me singing "go'n to the chapel and we're gonna git mar, arr, ied " off key. At this point the excitement got to me a bit too. My big sister was getting married. My family was there, the groom is lovely, makes her happy, is committed to family, has a lovely family also... what more could I ask for. Honestly? very little.

The rest of the day blurs a little. The ceremony was quick and beautiful. I managed to not trip, laugh (who am I kidding I totally choked up, a little), or turn with the wrong shoulder. Nan was so very beautiful. Glenn so proud walking her down the aisle, mom beaming from the front row, my little brother beside her. A room full! full of people there to celebrate what we are all looking for - a perfect match, a great love and a life time partnership.

The pictures were actually fun! Thanks again to the boys for the ice cream sandwich! ah heaven! (and thanks to the karma goddess for not having me slop on my dress or leave any in my teeth).

Oh in the greeting line (what is this called? the reception line?)there were a few mentions of this blog... I both winced and laughed... I don't really sensor a tonn or think about audience. Hee hee. Paul and Diane hello, Vince and Yvonne hello also -- must remember to insert bits about quality living. Healthy lunch with girlfriends (no alcohol involved), went to the gym today, was supportive of a friend having a shitty day - curses there I go with the profanity again. Oh well).

Reception... the work was over, the official official was done and Nan and Mike walked into 'another one bites the dust', seriously. It was awesome. Company, food, all of it! Only regret not enough time to visit with everyone. I said a handful of words to my grandparents. The whole Thomsen clan was there and I only managed a moment with Anna and Dennis. Ben a quick chat, Dawn a quick chat - though Dawn and Theresa and I did manage to get out to the playground :0 You can dress me up but...

Sidebar: The bouquet toss, look closely at that pic. Hilarious. How times have changed. Was deadly silent as it bounced off the back wall onto the floor... then howling laughter!!!!!!!!

The Day Before!!

2007-08-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

It's the day before the big day, one would expect drama, lots and lots of drama, last minute details forgotten, random unplanned changes or hiccups...
Nope, none of it. All calm, all cool. Friday was rehearsal day. Nan left to run errands, Cathy to pick-up dresses, and Me off to run Chester...the oh so hansom pouch below. In addition to cuteness, and 1 cup jowls, he has patience as one of his many 'gifts'.

Once off to the hall, it was time for the actual rehearsal. The wedding commissioner was hilarious; the women was in some weird time warp. When Nan went to introduce her, she stopped and said, 'wait, it is the job of the groom to introduce blah blah blah" I missed the later part as in my head was hilarious laughter... is she for real?! That was the last time that afternoon that I was able to keep the laughter in, I swore to Nan as I teared from laughter on the practice walk up the isle "tomorrow I will keep it together, I PROMISE" (a promise I kept). "Dear, turn leading with your right shoulder," Insert muffled laughter and an obedient if slightly dramatic turn. It was only the next day that I appreciated that the end result of her seemingly pedantic approach to the ceremony was a beautifully choreographed and picture perfect event ("flowers at the level of your belly button dear"?!)
Then we prepped, bowed, set chairs, set tables etc..., all in good spirits. Shelby was spectacularly helpful... given her age it is all the more amazing. She really and truly out did herself. Cheerful and helpful all day - thanks again Shelbymonster!Don't mind to say that things looked lovely! (Oh, and Glenn bless his heart brought Lattes! He really does just get women :)
Following all the business of the day we grabbed a quick dinner of Vietnamese.

Then we three gals (Hero, Nan, and Cathy) went back to the house to rest. It was a low key eve, the boys off at a fishing lodge for the night.
One more sleep...

Oh holy Fack! Girly, Girly Girly...

2007-08-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Oh Girliest of girly days!
Started of with Nan bringing me coffee in bed; bringing back a flood of memories of our little hillhurst house - 'sept that I wasn't grumpy and even woke up ;)

Then it was shoe shopping with Cathy. We set off in search of perfect black pumps... Wait, but what of the black fireman's ball pumps?? The ones that didn't arrive in time? Why not those shoes? Well, they are in Inuvik! So, instead we found excellent peep toes! Ridiculous, my three wear a year, if I am lucky, footwear.

(not the ones pictured as those look like scary hooker shoes; especially from that angle)

Then it was dress fitting time. Which I have to say I loved. Nan picked great dresses. Many fun pics taken (of course) but can't reveal dresses here as Nan would have my arse!
Then, surprise, surprise more shopping!

Have read enough fashion mags to have been converted to trouser leg jeans and had to invest in a pair!

Every girl needs a sequin mini, non? No, we didn't think so either!

Birthday Dinner

2007-08-15T23:30:00.000-07:00

Thanks Mama and Glenn for dinner! Love, love city fun, restaurants with unfamiliar menus and unfamiliar flavors.
Was easy, goofy and fun. Am Full again :)

We three sisters! Classy as ev.

Ya'll know I have a weakness for Crown floats! This one was oddly poured (more a crown sunk than floated, but whatever). Guinness and Strong Bow just as tasty as ever.

On family

2007-08-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

It is the wee hours and I am wakeful. Satisfied, but wakeful.

A whirlwind first 48hrs in the city. Saw mama and loved that it feels like no time has passed (very little had in honest, but we were both grateful for the connection that technology has allowed --web cams needn't always be used for evil), saw little brotha and got to hear him in a proud and grown up voice - it was a treat. I got to put a face (and personality) to his girlfriend. Grandma and Grandpa, what can be said, but that I miss them, so very much. Glenn tired but present. Quality time with Nan doing all the things that girls do. Mike, solid, happy and I think excited too. More family arrives tomorrow. I think I am decompressing to make room. I am full in every possible way.

Why bridesmaids are an easy lay...

2007-08-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

OK, I get it. Wedding fever isn't contagious on account of the 'event'... It is the belief, the optimism, and the tender, sweet and divine feeling that a perfect match has been made. Who doesn't want that? I think I have a perfect jealousy. I believe in the match that Nan and Mike have made enough to wish that I should be so lucky as to find that for myself. But for this week I will happily relish in the reflected glow of her happy smile and her springy step.
I think it is telling that her humour is so fine, and mood so even with a mere 4 sleeps before the big day.

I think she knows, (no I know she does) that she has already started out on a great journey with Mike.

A wedding doesn't make a marriage;
two halves don't make a whole,
two whole people make magic.